I've never quite got this...

[WheresWally/ScottMcGarvey]

.."new" habit of 'slapping the pitch' (to illustrate just *how* much pain you're in). I mean, c'mon!

I recall punching the pitch in frustration once (think of Bayern's Ghanaian defender - Kuffour? - at the end of the 1999 Champions League final after United pinched it late courtesy of Teddy & 'the baby-faced assassin') It hurt, enough. Surely slapping it won't alleviate any pain felt if you've a genuine injury?

But BBC showing their "99 days to go", and just recently the 1990 WC Final, where the Argentines had 2 sent-off. Looking back, straight reds were a bit harsh (I felt - yet they were dirty in that game). But in both incidents, the overacting.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/26444703

Notice the (very athletic) pirouette from Herr Klinsmann, and then the 'pitch-slap'* that comes after. Should've known that he'd be one of the early protagonists!

New rule for FIFA to chew-over. "Anyone caught abusing the pitch - slapping it, punching it, or otherwise disrespecting it (with the possible exception of divots on penalty spots - think Beckham) - will be given a yellow card"

(* not to be confused with a "bitch-slap")

[The Cincinnati Kid]

Exceptions allowed for stubbed toe and football to the nutsack

[WheresWally/ScottMcGarvey]

Aw man, stubbed little toe.

Comparable to childbirth (for a few minutes at least?)

[RubiconCSL]

Quite right too. Now I'm not saying childbirth doesn't probably smart a bit, but a stubbed little toe, now that's pain!

Aw man, stubbed little toe.

Comparable to childbirth (for a few minutes at least?)

[Ziggy Sawdust]

I would so like one of you to experience the pain of childbirth for an hour. Just an hour. Not long.

Then come back and tell me a stubbed toe is worse.

Yup - I've bitten!

[RubiconCSL]

I would so like one of you to experience the pain of childbirth for an hour. Just an hour. Not long.

Then come back and tell me a stubbed toe is worse.

Yup - I've bitten!

[Milkins]

Treading on a 3 pin plug.

[HappyHour@TheBreweryOfLife]

Take a size 9 to your two veg, Ziggy, then we'll talk.

Not many men will ask for a second kick whereas a great many women will quickly long for another sprog.

Case closed.

[Ziggy Sawdust]

Take a size 9 to your two veg, Ziggy, then we'll talk.

Not many men will ask for a second kick whereas a great many women will quickly long for another sprog.

Case closed.

Agreed. The human race would be extinct if it were up to men to give birth.

[just blue]

Take a size 9 to your two veg, Ziggy, then we'll talk.

Not many men will ask for a second kick whereas a great many women will quickly long for another sprog.

Case closed.

Agreed. The human race would be extinct if it were up to men to give birth.

[Weybridge]

Five and a half ounces of cork and leather bowled at 70mph+ straight in the wedding vegetables doesn't get shaken off in a hurry. And wearing a box doesn't make it hurt any less, it just prevents them getting liquified.

[The Cincinnati Kid]

I'm with Ziggy.
A glancing blow to the testes is crippling but it can't be fun squeezing a melon through an opening designed for a plum.

Tell you what chaps...here's your choice.
Kick to the dangly bits
or ****** a basketball

tough call but I'm going with 1.