Who's this

[pomp 'n circumstance]

One team in all white, goalkeeper in all orange - other team in all red.

Game starts and very obviously this is between 2 Pub sides - team in red has dug out with large bloke in ill fitting bloke and small fat bloke in track suit. Game is too awful to describe and half time arrives - large fat bloke and small tracksuit bloke make for the tunnel for first dibs at the orange slices, team in all red lurch towards the tunnel to partake of whatever is on offer.

Second half begins with large fat bloke in suit, offering chewing gum to his gob and chews furiously on Mr Wrigley's best - they have the best seats and some substitutes fill the cheap seats behind. 10 minutes into the second half, a large unfriendly defender from the team in all white, takes out a tall lad from the all red team who falls spectaculally to the ground and is further savaged by the bloke in white with a good stomping on his leg and ref waves a red card. The skipper of the side in all red takes the free kicks, the corners and the penalties if any on offer and appears in midfield, behind the full backs and as an occasional striker - perhaps he owns the ball? Ninety mind numbing minutes are reached, there are 4 minutes added because we've all been fidgeting and finally a member of the red team, scuffs a ball in the direction of white goalkeeper who dives all around it and somehow a goal is given - the scorer runs away from the kisses and hugs to expose some startling body decorations and the bloke in the suit raises his arms to the heavens as though conducting an orchestra. The captain of the red team walks off with the ball.....aha, he really does own it! We all know that we've seen better teams than that on Hackney Marshes - tell me the name of the fat bloke in the ill fitting suit?

[past memories]

Les Dawson ?

[Miss Tickle's bottom]

One of the Krankies?

[Pompey Penguin]

Is it Roy Hodgson disguised in a fat suit?

[The Cincinnati Kid]

ooohh...oohhh....its Big Sam Allardyce Sir innit???

btw...in an earlier thread...I clearly told him to pick Vardy and Rashford over out of form Kane and Sicknote.....didn't listen to me again.

[Locky_McLockface]

Picture the scene in the McLockface household. 4 of the 6 inhabitants are footy-mad, whilst the other 2 are female. Of the 4, 1 is at work. The other 3 settle down to watch the aforementioned sporting entertainment. Within 5 minutes, the youngest drifts off to go and play with his Playmobil (in fairness, he's . After about 20 minutes, the other 2, (16 and 45) turn to watching YouTube and to doing some work on the laptop respectively.

A further 5 minutes later comes the call from the kitchen that dinner is ready. No-one asks to eat it in front of the telly. Oh, tell a lie, the 8-year-old does, who has failed to watch the preceeding 25 minutes, and the request is swiftly denied.

I'm not sure if I've said it on here before, but I really think a good idea would be to tell the prima-dona-don't-want-to-make-a-mistake-or-to-damage-my-hairdo-premiership ****$ to Foxtrot Oscar, and pick a team from the Championship. They'd have some pride. I hope.

[portchesterblue]

might help if the manager had the balls to tell the players where to play

sam said he would always pick on form, yet kane and sturridge get on in front of vardy

[RubiconCSL]

I've been advocating that for years now. Accept we aren't going to win any major tournament due to the many issues we have (not least we simply ain't that good). Put out a Championship side who will play their bl**dy socks off. I'd watch that. then the Prem players can let their clubs protect them as they pay their ridiculous wages and they can carry on squabbling over who has the best car.

I'm not sure if I've said it on here before, but I really think a good idea would be to tell the prima-dona-don't-want-to-make-a-mistake-or-to-damage-my-hairdo-premiership ****$ to Foxtrot Oscar, and pick a team from the Championship. They'd have some pride. I hope.

[Lost in Transportation]

sturridge get on in front of vardy

Given the state of the game, Sturridge made more sense than Vardy as a substitute given the lack of space available. There's isn't much difference between Kane and Vardy at the start of this season either.

[Selsey Bill]

Picture the scene in the McLockface household. 4 of the 6 inhabitants are footy-mad, whilst the other 2 are female. Of the 4, 1 is at work. The other 3 settle down to watch the aforementioned sporting entertainment. Within 5 minutes, the youngest drifts off to go and play with his Playmobil (in fairness, he's . After about 20 minutes, the other 2, (16 and 45) turn to watching YouTube and to doing some work on the laptop respectively.

A further 5 minutes later comes the call from the kitchen that dinner is ready. No-one asks to eat it in front of the telly. Oh, tell a lie, the 8-year-old does, who has failed to watch the preceeding 25 minutes, and the request is swiftly denied.

I'm not sure if I've said it on here before, but I really think a good idea would be to tell the prima-dona-don't-want-to-make-a-mistake-or-to-damage-my-hairdo-premiership ****$ to Foxtrot Oscar, and pick a team from the Championship. They'd have some pride. I hope.

This made me laugh, and out loud at that. Not dissimilar to our household, though I resorted to starting to rant on Twitter whilst persevering with the dross!

[pomp 'n circumstance]

ooohh...oohhh....its Big Sam Allardyce Sir innit???

btw...in an earlier thread...I clearly told him to pick Vardy and Rashford over out of form Kane and Sicknote.....didn't listen to me again.

Oh....all right - but it's no use parking yer Winebago and serving yer barbeque American style scoff on Wembley Way wearing a Stetson and strumming one of them steel guitars (badly) just to win our star prize of Big Sam's England training kit. Ever since Andy Griffin strolled on to greensward of FP wearing the largest shorts ever seen on a football pitch, with enough sailcloth to make the mainsail of our Americans Cup challenge, we can finally reveal that Big Sam's shorts were at least 25% bigger and held in position with chewing gum from his sponsor Wrigleys. I wonder how soon the men in blazers are going to take to realise that they have acted in haste and regrettably to not have the time to repent at leisure.

[Locky_McLockface]

ooohh...oohhh....its Big Sam Allardyce Sir innit???

btw...in an earlier thread...I clearly told him to pick Vardy and Rashford over out of form Kane and Sicknote.....didn't listen to me again.

Oh....all right - but it's no use parking yer Winebago and serving yer barbeque American style scoff on Wembley Way wearing a Stetson and strumming one of them steel guitars (badly) just to win our star prize of Big Sam's England training kit. Ever since Andy Griffin strolled on to greensward of FP wearing the largest shorts ever seen on a football pitch, with enough sailcloth to make the mainsail of our Americans Cup challenge, we can finally reveal that Big Sam's shorts were at least 25% bigger and held in position with chewing gum from his sponsor Wrigleys. I wonder how soon the men in blazers are going to take to realise that they have acted in haste and regrettably to not have the time to repent at leisure.

I must take issue with the assertion of Mr Allardyce's shorts. Back in the late 70s and early 80s when he were playing the shorts were a helluva lot shorter. I give you exhibit A, m'lud.