Late Nite with Donald J Trump

[Donald J Trump]

Good evening Portsmouth!
And welcome to Late Nite. The Kid is taking a vacation at Mar e Lago, so he asked me to step in.
And let me tell you, this show is going to be bigger and better than all the other shows. In FACT, it’s going to be watched by more people than ever before!
It’s going to be great….terrific even. Trust me.
And what’s even better…..Rubi is going to pay for it!
First some football stuff. WTF is going on at your Charity Shield? I thought you Bwitishers had a rep for sportsmanship yet the stadium was 2/3 empty at trophy presentation time!.....pathetic and lacks class….unlike me.
Also…WTF is going on with the penalty shootout?....firstly, I see a goalie taking one of the kicks!!!....Are you kidding me?!.....goalies never take one of the first 5 pk’s….even I know that. They are used to kicking it long and high.
Quelle Surpris that Courtois blasted it over the bar! What a moron.
Then there was the new system, ABBA. I mean really…all you soccerball fans have been crying out for a new method for pk shootouts right?
Speaking of ABBA here’s a tune. You know I did both these girls back in the late 70’s. That was back in the days when girls on stage could be sexy without shoving their crotch in your face.

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[Donald J Trump]

Right, up next an old American folk tune also from the ‘70’s. The 1870’s
Lead Belly did it in the 1940’s and then these guys rolled it out in the 90’s.
Lead Belly…..that’s what I call Governor Christie of NJ…BAHAHAHAHAHA did you see him on the beach he’d closed to the public….what a LOSER!


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[Donald J Trump]

You know I’ve got Georgia on my mind. I won Georgia BIGTIME btw. B I G T I M E!
Anyhow…here’s a bit of Ray Charles.
How do you know when your girlfriend is ugly?
She makes Ray Charles flinch…..BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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[Donald J Trump]

“I’ve been hanging around this town too long
Seems like every woman’s done me wrong”
I know what you mean Brian. Trust me


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[Donald J Trump]

Did you guys see my polling numbers today? What a bunch of FAKE NEWS
Those lying news media guys publish FAKE polls every day….what a bunch of failing losers.

Speaking of poles.

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[Donald J Trump]

Now I know all you Euro-ninnies are all a bit bent that I pulled out of the Paris climate thingammy. But don’t worry….I have plans.
In LA we’re building this ENORMOUS power station. It’s going to be huge. The best ever….trust me. And it’s not going to burn coal or gas….oh no.
We’re going to burn homeless people AND druggies!
Homelessness……SOLVED
Welfare rolls……REDUCED
Opiate problem…..SORTED
Carbon emissions…….AWESOME

Must be off got some golf and pajama guy to roll through
I’ll leave you with SRV
Trump out.

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