Edinburgh Jokes

[Pompey Penguin]

Somehow a tradition on this board that we have a thread for the best jokes out of the Edinburgh fringe; here's the Guardian's top 10.

Robert Garnham: Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.

Dan Antopolski: Centaurs shop at Topman. And Bottomhorse.

Paul Savage: Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Caroline Mabey: I’m very conflicted by eye tests. I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.

Athena Kugblenu: Relationships are like mobile phones. You’ll look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.

Evelyn Mok: My vagina is kind of like Wales. People only visit ironically.

Phil Wang: In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit, because she’s got this kinky fantasy where I have a proper job.

Gráinne Maguire: The Edinburgh fringe is such a bubble. I asked a comedian what they thought about the North Korea nuclear missile crisis and they asked what venue it was on in.

John-Luke Roberts: How did the Village People meet? They obviously led such different lives.

Olaf Falafel: If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2017/ ... rgh-fringe

[This Time Next Year]

Is it me or are the jokes in these lists getting worse? Not a single smirk from me for any of them.

Perhaps stand-up doesn't translate well to a cold clinical list in a cold written form, or perhaps it's just because there's no Milton Jones or Tim Vine in that list... kings of the one liners.

[This Time Next Year]

...and I'm pretty sure some of our board members would have been telling that insomnia joke in the playgrounds during the 1800s it's that old! How did that make the list!?

[BlueinPLtwenty]

Just been on a once in lifetime holiday. Never again!

[pompeygunner]

Just been on a once in lifetime holiday. Never again!

The best one was saved until last. Like that one.

[BlueinPLtwenty]

"I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust"

[The Cincinnati Kid]

Perhaps it was just the Guardians selection that wasn't that rib tickling.....the final selection seems better.

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

[Locky_McLockface]

The inews site (a sister site of our own dear Snooze) published their top 100 all-time Edinburgh jokes:-

https://inews.co.uk/essentials/culture/ ... gh-fringe/

[RubiconCSL]

Thanks - some brilliant ones in there.

The inews site (a sister site of our own dear Snooze) published their top 100 all-time Edinburgh jokes:-

https://inews.co.uk/essentials/culture/ ... gh-fringe/