A Pompey ‘what were we smoking?’ XI
Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2020 6:10 pm
Chairman : ALI AL-FARAJ
Manager : VLADIMIR ZAJEC
GK : YOSHI KAWAGUCHI - came with a Far East rock-god, warrior-prince reputation. Impressive array of cameras. Built like a schoolboy, one who got bullied a lot.
FB : ROBBIE PETHICK - Non-league nice guy, who did probably finish last.
CB : CARL TILER. Seemed a safe bet at the time. Good rep, totally forgot how to head a ball while wearing a blue shirt.
CB : HAMILTON THORP - The worst of the Aussie experiments. Thank you for the North Stand Roof, Terry Venables. But this cancels it out.
FB : BORIS ZIVKOVIC - Possibly the only Croatian in existence with no ball control.
MF : ROBERT PROSINECKI - This actually happened, right? I didn’t just dream it? He makes up for everyone else on the list.
MF : AMDY ‘JOHN’ FAYE - Definitely not kidnapped by Harry Redknapp, who definitely didn’t lie about his name in the pre-season friendly, and his agent definitely knew where he was the whole time.
MF : MIGUEL FERNANDES. We definitely own him 100%. Ok, maybe 50%, once we actually start paying someone, which we won’t. Not sure who. I think its some Italian businessmen. Or his agents. Could even be Porto. We don’t know, ok?
RW : GEORGE LAWRENCE. Should we sign 20 goal David Speedie for 50k to get us over the promotion line? Nah, bring George Lawrence out of retirement from Weymouth. Just don’t tell the fans. Let the announcer reveal it in the line up or something. They might not notice.
CF : LEE CHAPMAN. Turn up, bang in 3 goals in 2 games. Realise you can do better. Leave for West Ham without unpacking.
CF : RORY ALLEN : Club record signing. 15 appearances. Bones made of tissue paper, nightclub fight - sold to the Barmy Army for a six-pack down under.
Manager : VLADIMIR ZAJEC
GK : YOSHI KAWAGUCHI - came with a Far East rock-god, warrior-prince reputation. Impressive array of cameras. Built like a schoolboy, one who got bullied a lot.
FB : ROBBIE PETHICK - Non-league nice guy, who did probably finish last.
CB : CARL TILER. Seemed a safe bet at the time. Good rep, totally forgot how to head a ball while wearing a blue shirt.
CB : HAMILTON THORP - The worst of the Aussie experiments. Thank you for the North Stand Roof, Terry Venables. But this cancels it out.
FB : BORIS ZIVKOVIC - Possibly the only Croatian in existence with no ball control.
MF : ROBERT PROSINECKI - This actually happened, right? I didn’t just dream it? He makes up for everyone else on the list.
MF : AMDY ‘JOHN’ FAYE - Definitely not kidnapped by Harry Redknapp, who definitely didn’t lie about his name in the pre-season friendly, and his agent definitely knew where he was the whole time.
MF : MIGUEL FERNANDES. We definitely own him 100%. Ok, maybe 50%, once we actually start paying someone, which we won’t. Not sure who. I think its some Italian businessmen. Or his agents. Could even be Porto. We don’t know, ok?
RW : GEORGE LAWRENCE. Should we sign 20 goal David Speedie for 50k to get us over the promotion line? Nah, bring George Lawrence out of retirement from Weymouth. Just don’t tell the fans. Let the announcer reveal it in the line up or something. They might not notice.
CF : LEE CHAPMAN. Turn up, bang in 3 goals in 2 games. Realise you can do better. Leave for West Ham without unpacking.
CF : RORY ALLEN : Club record signing. 15 appearances. Bones made of tissue paper, nightclub fight - sold to the Barmy Army for a six-pack down under.