I Hate Myself

[Miss Tickle's bottom]

Not all the time, but too often for my liking. Take last night, for example. I was in a pub, having a quiet pint with the crossword, on my own, as content as a purring cat. The bloke at the next table to me went to the bar and, as he took his wallet to pay, a small piece of paper dropped to the floor. The bloke's partner (I assume) noticed this too, and alerted him to it - "it's okay he replied, "it's just rubbish", and left the paper on the floor. His partner happily accepted this.
I was angry that he did what he did, I was angry that his partner didn't seem to care either, and I was angry with myself for not saying anything (I'm no have-a-go-hero and I'm pretty certain that any complaint from me would have led to abuse at best and violence at worse; besides, the bloke was in his fifties so I'm pretty certain his behaviour is not going to change now, regardless of what anyone like me says to him).
I hate myself because I just couldn't forget the incident. I suspect it was my impotence that made me so angry, I don't know for sure, but I do know that my evening was ruined. To calm down, I had to just leave the pub, pint half-finished, crossword only a quarter-finished.
Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with these situations? I just seem incapable of shrugging my shoulders and getting on with my life when these things happen.

And no, uspompeyfan, don't you dare suggest that I take up praying!

[RubiconCSL]

I think you are not alone old chap. When younger, I wouldn't say anything and just got annoyed like you. Over more recent years, I got all Victor Meldew and would have a good old argument whatever the outcome and would never stand down. But now, somehow, I've found that I can just ignore such things again - but with the added advantage that they no longer annoy me. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to change the world, so it just ain't worth it.

[RubiconCSL]

Having said that, it it's some oik with their "personal" mp3 player on in the quiet carriage, then it's fistycuffs for sure - there are limits!

[miltoninLA]

It's the crossword MTB. Probably Telegraph, maybe the Times. They both have subliminal messages. Put it down, and start a good book, have you read Lila by Pirsig yet?

[Far Post Brisley]

I have, in a comparable situation, picked up the paper and put it in a bin, or left on a table. Only once ever, has anyone challenged my behaviour, it was his crisp packet (McCoy's, I think), and when I put it on my table, he asked me why I had done that, I replied "I don't like litter and I can find a bin at my house for it when I get home, unless.." offering it back to him. He took it back and put it in his own empty glass he had left to be collected. He was not cross. I was not chaired shoulder high from the pub for my green credentials but I felt I had done the right thing.

Don't hate yourself, ever! You are always loved, even by association with this group! Relax and Be!

[Ziggy Sawdust]

I think Brisley got it right. Pick it up yourself but make a thing of it being very nice about it. Makes 'em feel worse and they can't get cross but you've made your point. My husband picks up litter chucked out of cars near our home. Whereas I get furious and rant about it - he simply picks it up and puts it in our bin when we get home. I wish I could be more like that.

14 down 5 letters R_L_X Clue: watch yourself and .......

[The Cincinnati Kid]

It depends on the situation doesn't it.
FPB's solution was rather good but we don't often think of the cool reactions until later.
A bit of trash in a pub probably isn't worth your intervention. Just pick it up and go back to your crossword secure in the knowledge that you are "The Man"
More severe incidents of poor behaviour may demand intervention but one must keep calm and polite with a dose of wit.
"No worries mate...i'll pick that up" is much better than "oi you frekin knob...etc etc"

Failing that, make yourself a Batman suit, train hard and take severe revenge on architects of poor behaviour.

Anyhoo, a crossword gag.

3 down: Postmans Bag?
How many letters?
Fekin thousands.

[phat_chris]

Descretely pick up said piece of paper. Write on girls name and a phone number. Give back to the bloke face up on his table so his other half can see it.

[Mickemo]

Descretely pick up said piece of paper. Write on girls name and a phone number. Give back to the bloke face up on his table so his other half can see it.

I like that one Chris

[Pompski!]

Descretely pick up said piece of paper. Write on girls name and a phone number. Give back to the bloke face up on his table so his other half can see it.

That would be awesome!

However it would probably result in you visiting A&E.

[Farmers Boy]

One fun way is to carry what at first sight looks like a police warrant/id card...just flash it and say "wanna pick that up mate?" Works a treat in all manner of situations...until of course the day when the bloke goes to his wallet and brings out his own, very real police id. happened to me...most embarrasing!

[Earl Grey]

I guess what you could've done, Miss Tickle, is to say in an over-loud voice, "Excuse me mate but you've dropped a piece of paper on the floor!".

He would then be the focus of everybody in the boozer and may be shamed into picking it up.

If he said something like, "It's nothing....I don't want it." then maybe another, braver soul would take up the challenge and suggest to him he should pick it up.

[HappyHour@TheBreweryOfLife]

One fun way is to carry what at first sight looks like a police warrant/id card...just flash it and say "wanna pick that up mate?" Works a treat in all manner of situations...until of course the day when the bloke goes to his wallet and brings out his own, very real police id. happened to me...most embarrasing!

Along with some of the above, I'd pick it up myself and put it on the bar for the staff to clear up, saying "I've got it, mate" as I do. I do this when I see a commuter dumping a Metro/Stannart on the train floor instead of the luggage rack or the bin.

However, I've grown a little tired of the wastes of space who blight my neighbourhood (including a few in my building) so I'm now in the process of becoming a Special Rozzer, I can then legitimately practice FB's suggestion.

[Mr Nuts]

If hate myself too if I let little stuff like that ruin my day .

[uspompeyfan]

MTB, as you knew I would have something to say.....

I actually agree with Far Post Brisley on this incident.

However, what is more worrying, is that you hate yourself when incidents occur that you have no control over. It seems that many small incidents like this cause you internal anger and this, both for you, and your friends, is not a healthy position. It may be something as simple as a hormone imbalance that can easily be treated, so in all seriousness, it might help to discuss with a GP. At present, you are able to hold your temper, but if it gets worse, you might do something you might regret.

Holding on to anger is also not a good thing. If you consider that the person you are angry with, probably either doesn't know or doesn't care about your feelings. The longer you hold on to it, the worse you will feel and ultimately, the other person will go about their life.

Regardless of your views about me, I take threads like this seriously and hope you take my comments with the positive intent in which they've been written. Good luck with finding a solution.