Old curmudgeon football irritations

[The Cincinnati Kid]

...and I'm not even going to mention pink / neon green or yellow footy boots, man buns or pigtails

1. Socks. I have to wear these above my knees so I can look like a girl wearing stockings

2. Socks again. I gotta cut a slit or 2 in the back of my socks so my incredible bulging leg muscles aren't restricted in any way. This makes me a better player, cutting holes in the back of my socks.

3. I'm taking a corner....gotta stick my arm up in the air so y'all know I'm taking a corner.

4. Corners again. I gotta put the ball so only a tiny, miniscule fraction of it is over the corner line when observed from above by a microscope.

5. Once, someone scored a freekick by shooting a grasscutter under the wall as they jumped. So, now we gotta have a guy lying down behind the wall in case this ever happens again. I mean....wouldn't he be better off covering the goal line or marking an opposing attacker?

6. I'm a goalie. Every time I touch the ball for any reason I MUST fall to the ground.

[StMonkton]

The ball bounces off my knee to go out of play for a goal kick . I shout ‘rbol’ and raise my arm (rehearsing my corner routine perhaps).

I clatter an opponent half a second after he passes the ball. I turn to the referee and make a circular motion with my hands.

[BlueinPLtwenty]

Foul throw, when was the last time one of these was given. When in fact they happen multiple times each match.

[Portchesterblue2]

socks again - i must cut the feet off my socks so that I am only wearing the "leg" part of it and wear whatever socks i want on my feet

[Milton End]

The man with the bell....

[Melbourne Graham]

Goalkeepers stepping out of the area when kicking the ball from their hands - should be handball happens every game

[Jack_Tinn]

When we kick off a half, we pass the ball back to our team mates and rush forward. Our colleagues in the back line then hoof the ball 30 metres on a diagonal which inevitably ends up with us losing possession or the opposition receiving a throw in.

For the rest of the game those same players in the back line then prioritise retaining possession and building attacks from passing out from the back.

[New Forester]

Fans disturbing me 10 minutes before half time to get to the bar for a pint.

[Blue Walter]

Players falling to the ground at a puff of wind and feigning injury. Play acting in order to gain advantage and, as mentioned before, players with man buns. Two supporters that sit near me that share the family brain cell on match days and the wish for them to shout out something amusing for a change. Endless passing in the name of modern football and being told that I am 'behind the times' for getting frustrated with it. Stupid goal celebrations and players moaning about their mental health being affected by idiots on social media but still participate in it. Other than that alls good.

[Dinksy]

Just one - Scummers!

[The Cincinnati Kid]

We have to water the pitch. Before the game, at half time and after the game. Been raining?.....don't matter....water the pitch.

[Sam_Brown]

These days I get more annoyed by knobheads in the crowd.

Only been to a handful of games but went to Peterborough away last season and, to be fair, there were a fair few spare seats, but a few groups of young lads decided it was more important to be sitting with their mates than in their own seats so you got about 15 people standing in front of 10 seats and it all got a bit too crowded for my liking and the stewards looked absolutely useless / helpless to do anything about it.

Also a few times the odd yob who will be shouting and swearing and just generally being a tool round kids. Normally these sorts get told to sit down and shut up by people near by.

[Pompey55]

Fans disturbing me 10 minutes before half time to get to the bar for a pint.

And then either letting their mates join them in the queue or buying loads of drinks anyone who turns up and asks them so slowing those who waited until halftime

[The Cincinnati Kid]

Oh no, one leg of my shorts has risen up to crotch level. But I'm not pulling it back down. Hell no, my leg looks too sexy like this.

[The Cincinnati Kid]

Balls gone out of play. Its a throw in or a goal kick. BUT I can't use the ball that just went out of play...oh no...I've gotta use a ball that's been sitting on the little stand thingy by the side of the field.