Thatcher. do not read if easily offended or loved Maggie

[The Beautiful Game]

David Cameron has just sent his official letter to the Thatcher residence.
It starts, “I regret to inform you that due to recent events, you now have too many bedrooms…”

When I realised Margaret Thatcher was dead, I did a double fist pump and shouted, “F***ing brilliant!”
Everyone around me was disgusted, and looking back, I suppose it was out of order.
Especially as I was the first paramedic at the scene.

“There is no such thing as society” – Margaret Thatcher, 1988
“There is no such thing as Margaret Thatcher” – Society, 2013

Margaret Thatcher’s final wish was to be cremated.
Unfortunately, we’ve no coal left.

Plans have begun for Margaret Thatcher’s state funeral.
It’ll be the first time ever the 21 gun salute is fired into the coffin.

I’d jump for joy at Thatcher’s passing were it not for my fragile bones brought about by a lack of milk as a child.

April 2013 – Margaret Thatcher dies.

May 2013 – Hell privatised.

So we’ve had an Argentinian Pope for 2 weeks, and Margaret Thatcher dies.

Coincidence?

I used to have a picture of Maggie Thatcher pinned up on my wall back in the 80s, she was always a great influence for me.
In fact if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be the World Champion darts player I am today.

It’s been announced that Margaret Thatcher will have a state funeral. The former PM is to be buried at the bottom of a man made lake.
Or at least she will be once we’ve finished pi$$ing on her grave.

Just seen the plans for Margaret Thatcher’s grave.
Beautiful really, but I think they should have made the dancefloor bigger.

Mrs Thatcher arrives at Hell and is greeted by Jimmy Savile who says to her “Now then, you’re here for screwing minors too?”

The Evil Dead set to make a comeback at the end of this month.
Just when we all thought the old hag was finally gone…

Margaret Thatcher has passed away.
My thoughts are with Satan and the denizens of Hell at this most difficult and trying time for them.

The BBC’s report mentioned that Thatcher had dementia and was unable to remember many of her great achievements.
Funny, I couldn’t remember any either.

So, Maggie Thatcher has died.
Allow me to be the first to extend my hand to her family at this difficult time…
…and then slowly raise my middle finger.

The death of Thatcher has come at a bad time for Britain.
We still haven’t replaced the fireworks we used at the Olympics yet.

Doctors tonight have described Baroness Thatcher’s condition as “Satisfactory”.

If we keep milking these Margaret Thatcher jokes they’re gonna get taken away.

David Cameron says we have lost ‘a great leader, a great prime minister and a great Briton’.
Who did Thatcher take with her?

My mum says only speak good of the dead.
Thatcher is dead.
Good.

With the news of Margaret Thatcher’s passing, I’m looking forward to hearing about who found all the Horcruxes.

I went for an interview at a swim school this afternoon. They asked me what my favourite stroke was. Apparently “The one that killed Maggie Thatcher” wasn’t what they were after.

BREAKING NEWS: Atos declare Margaret Thatcher fit for work.

Mrs Thatcher won’t be cremated. The lady’s not for burning.

[SportMouth]

Some are funnier than others....
My ;BIG BOSS; from London was up in Glasgow for a store visit,,,
My store manager was walking beside him...,taking note of his
observations. Radio in staff room said that Maggie had been deposed
and dethroned and was generally OUT.
I ran to my manager and Big Boss and yelled..'She's OUT..she's GONE!!!!'
Simon (Big Boss) tried to explain that she had done a lot of good for
British business, I laughed..Yeah..at the espense of the workers Simon...
she's GONE!!!!!!'
I waited several hours/days to be sacked.....thankfully he wasn't as vengeful as
my store boss who,,,while agreeing with me politically,, resented being upstaged
or interrupted . Worth every second.